French Vodka and another political thought.

Amendment one passed. Good thing, too. Here's some reasons:

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things, like eyeglasses, polyester, hair dye and air conditioning.
2. Gay marriage will encourage other people to be gay, kind of like how hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will lead to all sorts of crazy behavior. People will begin to want to marry their pets, because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4. Straight marriage has been around for a very long time and hasn't changed at all; Women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites and divorce is still illegal.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spear's 55-just-for-fun-hour marriage would be destroyed.
6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because orphanages aren't full yet and the world needs more children.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy such as ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we only have one religion in America.
9. Children need both a male and female role model at home to succeed. That's why we expressedly  forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms, like how we haven't been able to adapt to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.


I'm going to go in my room and drink my french vodka, because I am a soul-less monster born of wedlock, with no hope to save me.


(credits to whoever)