Alright, It's not unusual for me to type up several drafts of one thing, get excited about it, and post them all in the same night. Get over it.
One of my newest and most loved friends introduced me to a game.
This game is one she played in high school, and I feel like the beauty of it should be shared with humans all across the world.
It's called 'Poo Dollars', and it is honestly the most wholesome, family-oriented bundle of fun I could ever imagine.
What you need to play:
- A dollar. Maybe two or three.
-A car, truck, or dumpster to hide behind.
-A large department store, preferabbly wal-mart... since Wally World is the most classy of choices.
-A sense of humor and a bowl movement. Or, a dog that needs walking.
-A guillable friend, or a guy friend. Whichever comes first.
What you do:
You have your guillable/and or guy friend, walk your dog, or.. I mean, if he's feeling spunky, he could do it himself.... And instead of using the 'pooper scooper baggies of doom' to clean up your favorite pooche's mess, use a couple of dollar bills.
Secure said nasty dollar bills in some form of plastic bag.
Very nonchalantly drop the filthy dollar bills in the parking lot, and scurry away quickly. If you dont have a car, hide behind a dumpster.
Sit in your car, or dumpster-mobile, and either listen to music, chat with your buddy, and wait for someone to notice the dollars and try to collect them.
Enjoy.
You're welcome, fellow human beings.
I have no idea why I'm single.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
WOAH!!
I can't even begin to..begin!!! Soo... This is pretty much how living at the beach went:
I arrive, I stay with my future roomate in future roomate's dad's house... future roomate turns out to be a conniving bitch who steals money from me and calls her mommy to take her happy ass back to asheville... leaving me with a pair of total strangers.
Total strangers who turn out to be AWESOME freaking people. Treated me like family, and were pretty much the bomb. Someone give these guys a high five.
List of good things from this experience:
Getting attached to two wonderful children.
Learning to make pasta... FROM SCRATCH. Hell yes, I can cook now. That's right. Queen of the Microwave actually can make a decent meal now..
Margaritas at nine in the morning.
Work..EVERYWHERE.
Martini Mondays.
Fishing.
The Beach.
List of shit things about the beach:
Learning one of your best friends is a total bitch.
Being broke, basically.
Getting cut at work and getting stitches.... which was kinda bad ass.
Getting sick.. ending in pnuemonia. Like two weeks worth of pnuemonia.
Not catching a damn thing fishing.
Hangovers.
Rich ass old people who hang out at St. James with their wallets up their cornholes.
Anyways, long story short, I went home, and here the hell I am.
I did come visit.. about a month and a half of being at the beach. Being separated from my friends and family taught me to think more with my mind, and less with my sleeve. And by sleeve, I mean the big bleeding heart hanging off of it. As soon as I got back, It's like I was looking at Marion with a new set of eyes. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've always noticed the shit hole parts of marion... but for some reason, everything that used to hurt and sting about people and situations, really just made me laugh. Some of these people are honestly just pathetic. Seriously soft-brained.
And now that I am liberated from my ooey-gooey-hurt-feelings,
the feeling is like.......
Yeah, no, I'm not even kidding. I am euphorically floating in a vast sea of "I Could Fucking Care Less, You Dim Witted Morons". Feels good, man.
The weather is warm, the nights are balmy, and even though I continuously cough my lungs up every ten minutes.. I am pretty damn content right now. I have no idea what my plans are, I have no idea what I'm going to go back to school for, and the whole four bucks in my bank account has no idea what it's going to spend itself on. Today, I slept till noon, sat (a good distance, due to smoke, ) around a fire, cooked fish, made margaritas, drank blueberry beer and ate home made brownies. I feel like it's all going to be okay.
What I didn't do: Mope, whine, bitch, and/or cry about the bullshit of everyday. My ovaries are currently trying to gnaw their way through my spinal column, but instead of being absolutely devastated from it, I woke up and said "Hey, at least my uterus isn't going to have to force a small Goliath out in a few months, Awesome!" So thanks, ovaries, for reminding me of how wonderful it is to not have to buy diapers. No offence to any mothers, I hear that whole 'childbearing' thing is wonderful and a beautiful experience. I mean, so is going to South Africa and being chased by lions, but I guess it's one of those 'to each his own' kinda things.
It's gonna be a lovely year.
I arrive, I stay with my future roomate in future roomate's dad's house... future roomate turns out to be a conniving bitch who steals money from me and calls her mommy to take her happy ass back to asheville... leaving me with a pair of total strangers.
Total strangers who turn out to be AWESOME freaking people. Treated me like family, and were pretty much the bomb. Someone give these guys a high five.
List of good things from this experience:
Getting attached to two wonderful children.
Learning to make pasta... FROM SCRATCH. Hell yes, I can cook now. That's right. Queen of the Microwave actually can make a decent meal now..
Margaritas at nine in the morning.
Work..EVERYWHERE.
Martini Mondays.
Fishing.
The Beach.
List of shit things about the beach:
Learning one of your best friends is a total bitch.
Being broke, basically.
Getting cut at work and getting stitches.... which was kinda bad ass.
Getting sick.. ending in pnuemonia. Like two weeks worth of pnuemonia.
Not catching a damn thing fishing.
Hangovers.
Rich ass old people who hang out at St. James with their wallets up their cornholes.
Anyways, long story short, I went home, and here the hell I am.
I did come visit.. about a month and a half of being at the beach. Being separated from my friends and family taught me to think more with my mind, and less with my sleeve. And by sleeve, I mean the big bleeding heart hanging off of it. As soon as I got back, It's like I was looking at Marion with a new set of eyes. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've always noticed the shit hole parts of marion... but for some reason, everything that used to hurt and sting about people and situations, really just made me laugh. Some of these people are honestly just pathetic. Seriously soft-brained.
And now that I am liberated from my ooey-gooey-hurt-feelings,
the feeling is like.......
The weather is warm, the nights are balmy, and even though I continuously cough my lungs up every ten minutes.. I am pretty damn content right now. I have no idea what my plans are, I have no idea what I'm going to go back to school for, and the whole four bucks in my bank account has no idea what it's going to spend itself on. Today, I slept till noon, sat (a good distance, due to smoke, ) around a fire, cooked fish, made margaritas, drank blueberry beer and ate home made brownies. I feel like it's all going to be okay.
What I didn't do: Mope, whine, bitch, and/or cry about the bullshit of everyday. My ovaries are currently trying to gnaw their way through my spinal column, but instead of being absolutely devastated from it, I woke up and said "Hey, at least my uterus isn't going to have to force a small Goliath out in a few months, Awesome!" So thanks, ovaries, for reminding me of how wonderful it is to not have to buy diapers. No offence to any mothers, I hear that whole 'childbearing' thing is wonderful and a beautiful experience. I mean, so is going to South Africa and being chased by lions, but I guess it's one of those 'to each his own' kinda things.
It's gonna be a lovely year.
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