The Ooooey Goooey

So, I was flipping through the blogs and I found an interesting challenge.

I'm not normally up for such silliness, but I found myself scribbling on the back of my insurance bill.... It was one of those moments where you actually find something out about yourself.

"This requires twelve people. Two former friends, two new friends, two current friends. Two old flames, two new crushes and two people you've never spoken to. Write two sentences about, for or describing these people. Do not include their names."

First person is on top, second person is on bottom. Just to clarify and avoid confusion... both are not about the same person.

The Goodbye Friends

 -You and I were like peas, and I miss skinny dipping at night. You can't blame me for your own mistakes anymore.

- You are so selfish, and you cannot be trusted. You never even came to see me afterwards.

The New Friends

- You are an awesome mother...even to children that aren't yours. You are a firecracker and I hope we are friends for a very long time.

- She might be a little rough around the edges, but hold onto her. She's a keeper, man.

The Comfortable Currents

- Sir, you are the spoonful of sugar in my coffee, the vanilla in my tea, the dust in my bookcase and the only other species of fruit like us. You will always be the tortured and enlightened, (often frustratingly correct) tangles in my hair that I will carry around like a nappy-headed ragamuffin forever.

- You are a beautiful human being and you need to answer my damn phonecalls every now and then. I love you and your monster, you vicious boobgrabber.

The Forever-ago-Flames

- You are a drunken idiot, and I did not kill anything. Please buy a new car- yours is dumb and I never did like the fact that you wear old, oversized grumpy-old-man undies.

- Remember when we sat on the railing above the BB&T parking deck and took photos of the skyline, fought over you calling the little girl a 'bear', and you made me leave my camera to go anywhere because I'd only spend the whole time taking photos ..or when you explained why the moon looks closer on flat land? I'm sorry for throwing hot tea in your face without even being invited in, but your locks were broken , and the only thing I still like is that we always did have the most retarded metaphors.

The New Points of Interest

-You are out there, alone and dying, I am sure. I will not sign a prenup, and your wrinkles will bother me less once you sign everything over to me.
 Just kidding. Doesn't count.
- You are always so sweet to me, even if I'm being grumpy. I'm glad you're my friend.

- I just might suffocate you.

The Strangers

- I see you every week. Please teach your child not to throw things everywhere, because one day they are going to hit me with a shoe and I'm going to spank YOU.

- I have never spoken to you before, or even really made eye contact. But I must say, you have the nicest posture I've ever seen on an older person.

I must be content, because I have suddenly run out of things to bitch about.